An anxious heart weighs a woman down, but a kind word cheers her up. Proverbs 12:25

Friday, March 15, 2013

My "Bucket List"




I have been struggling with my lack of weight loss as well as eating when I am not hungry.  I continue to ask myself why I seem to sabotage my journey to become a healthier me.  The answers are not always simple or clear as I continue to ask the Lord to reveal areas in my life that I still need to work on and make positive lifelong changes as well. 

I will not beat myself up or give up! 

I have been working on my Weight Loss Goals or my Weight Loss Bucket List.  I have to set Goals for both the study, Winning the Battle of the Bulge, by Mary Englund and for my Pre-Bariatric Weight Loss Surgery Class.  I started to make a list of things I desire or want from my weight loss journey.  I am in the process of breaking these down and turning them into short/medium/long term goals.  I thought I would share this list with you as I call it My Bucket List. 

My Bucket List
I want to feel well.         
I want to be a healthier me.       
I want to walk without assistance.
I want to be able to have the gastric bypass surgery and insurance pay for it as well as the plastic surgery for excess skin when needed. 
I want to be less tired due to carrying all this weight.
I want to wear nice/attractive clothes.
I want to shop for clothes at a “regular” store – not plus size.
I want to be able to sit anywhere and not worry if I can fit in the chair or at the table/booth.
I want to go anywhere without worrying about my size/health.
I want to hold a child or pet in my lap.
I want a lap.
I want to take care of my personal needs.
I want to see my feet when I look down.
I want to tie my own shoes and put on my own socks.
I want to be able to trim my own toenails and pain my toenails.
I want to be able to swim in public without stares and looks of disgust. 
I want to sink when I am in water – I know this is strange but I cannot sick due to BMI.
I want to be able to clean my house on my own without difficulties or a wheelchair.
I want to be able to stand to clean.
I want to be able to stand to do dishes.
I want to be able to stand to cook and prepare food.
I want to plant a garden.
I want to tend to my garden/flowers.
I no longer want to be the fat sister - daughter – cousin- mother-grandmother-wife –aunt - friend.
I want to be able to stop my medications:
                For:      sugar     heart/blood pressure   muscle relaxers   pain meds.  Restless legs     neuropathy        asthma      GERD     IBS       sleep apnea
I want to slow down the progression of my chronic illnesses – especially osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia
I want to take walks.
I want to go hiking.
I want to sing again.
I want to be able to lead bible studies.
I want to be able to help others with chronic illness/pain.
I want to visit my sister in NC by myself via train etc…
I want to take day trips.
I want to walk on the beach.
 I want to shop on my own – without wheelchair or scooter.
I want energy.
I want to look into the mirror and be able to be proud and say, “You look pretty good for an old gal!” 
I want…….a normal life…. I want my family, friends and most of all, my precious Savior to be proud of me.


Most individual’s bucket lists are more “exotic” - like bungee jumping, hot balloon ride etc…  Mine is what most people consider everyday living. 

I have heard and read comments from people that all fat people are lazy, and want to be fat.  I don’t know about other people – but this fat person is not lazy nor desires to be fat.  I want to be active – I have many things against me for why I am not active.  It is exhausting carrying around all this weight 24/7.  Lazy?  You just try to see how far and how much you can accomplish in a day carrying around an extra 100 or 200 lbs!  As for wanting to be fat – I did not ask for it – but yes, I have made unhealthy decisions along the way – unfortunately for me those unhealthy choices coupled with my chronic health issues and genetics have all hindered me and aided me in becoming a morbidly obese person.   

There is a thin person underneath all this fat just screaming to come out to live life to her fullest!  I am in the process of rescuing that thin person – but it takes time – but she will come out and live a full life once again!  I need you prayers and encouragement along the way – not your criticism.  

6 comments:

Andrea said...

On the journey with you sweet friend. Hugs and prayers,
andrea

Michele Williams said...

Thank you Andrea.

Sharon Brumfield said...

There were quite a few things on your bucket lost that i identify with.
Our son is getting married in September...on the beach in Florida. :( I want to be able to find something to wear that is attractive and not a tent. And i want the pictures to show the person i am on the inside. The journey must begin.

Janet vollmer said...

You are a very determined woman. This time next year you will be down 80 to 100 pounds after your surgery. I know you will be able to cross a lot if not all of your weight loss bucket list...much love and prayers coming your way.

Denise said...

On this journey with you, love you.

Anonymous said...

You remain in my prayers Michele!!

Love,
Linda

An anxious heart weighs a woman down, but a kind word cheers her up. Proverbs 12:25