An anxious heart weighs a woman down, but a kind word cheers her up. Proverbs 12:25

Friday, March 15, 2013

My "Bucket List"

I have been struggling with my lack of weight loss as well as eating when I am not hungry.  I continue to ask myself why I seem to sabotage my journey to become a healthier me.  The answers are not always simple or clear as I continue to ask the Lord to reveal areas in my life that I still need to work on and make positive lifelong changes as well. 

I will not beat myself up or give up! 

I have been working on my Weight Loss Goals or my Weight Loss Bucket List.  I have to set Goals for both the study, Winning the Battle of the Bulge, by Mary Englund and for my Pre-Bariatric Weight Loss Surgery Class.  I started to make a list of things I desire or want from my weight loss journey.  I am in the process of breaking these down and turning them into short/medium/long term goals.  I thought I would share this list with you as I call it My Bucket List. 

My Bucket List
I want to feel well.         
I want to be a healthier me.       
I want to walk without assistance.
I want to be able to have the gastric bypass surgery and insurance pay for it as well as the plastic surgery for excess skin when needed. 
I want to be less tired due to carrying all this weight.
I want to wear nice/attractive clothes.
I want to shop for clothes at a “regular” store – not plus size.
I want to be able to sit anywhere and not worry if I can fit in the chair or at the table/booth.
I want to go anywhere without worrying about my size/health.
I want to hold a child or pet in my lap.
I want a lap.
I want to take care of my personal needs.
I want to see my feet when I look down.
I want to tie my own shoes and put on my own socks.
I want to be able to trim my own toenails and pain my toenails.
I want to be able to swim in public without stares and looks of disgust. 
I want to sink when I am in water – I know this is strange but I cannot sick due to BMI.
I want to be able to clean my house on my own without difficulties or a wheelchair.
I want to be able to stand to clean.
I want to be able to stand to do dishes.
I want to be able to stand to cook and prepare food.
I want to plant a garden.
I want to tend to my garden/flowers.
I no longer want to be the fat sister - daughter – cousin- mother-grandmother-wife –aunt - friend.
I want to be able to stop my medications:
                For:      sugar     heart/blood pressure   muscle relaxers   pain meds.  Restless legs     neuropathy        asthma      GERD     IBS       sleep apnea
I want to slow down the progression of my chronic illnesses – especially osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia
I want to take walks.
I want to go hiking.
I want to sing again.
I want to be able to lead bible studies.
I want to be able to help others with chronic illness/pain.
I want to visit my sister in NC by myself via train etc…
I want to take day trips.
I want to walk on the beach.
 I want to shop on my own – without wheelchair or scooter.
I want energy.
I want to look into the mirror and be able to be proud and say, “You look pretty good for an old gal!” 
I want…….a normal life…. I want my family, friends and most of all, my precious Savior to be proud of me.

Most individual’s bucket lists are more “exotic” - like bungee jumping, hot balloon ride etc…  Mine is what most people consider everyday living. 

I have heard and read comments from people that all fat people are lazy, and want to be fat.  I don’t know about other people – but this fat person is not lazy nor desires to be fat.  I want to be active – I have many things against me for why I am not active.  It is exhausting carrying around all this weight 24/7.  Lazy?  You just try to see how far and how much you can accomplish in a day carrying around an extra 100 or 200 lbs!  As for wanting to be fat – I did not ask for it – but yes, I have made unhealthy decisions along the way – unfortunately for me those unhealthy choices coupled with my chronic health issues and genetics have all hindered me and aided me in becoming a morbidly obese person.   

There is a thin person underneath all this fat just screaming to come out to live life to her fullest!  I am in the process of rescuing that thin person – but it takes time – but she will come out and live a full life once again!  I need you prayers and encouragement along the way – not your criticism.  

An anxious heart weighs a woman down, but a kind word cheers her up. Proverbs 12:25